Kill Domestic violence before it kills you, the menace of domestic violence and how to tackle it

  • Zino Magazine
  • August 3, 2020
  • Comments Off on Kill Domestic violence before it kills you, the menace of domestic violence and how to tackle it
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Domestic violence is a term used to describe an intimate relationship where violence occurs, in which one partner uses abusive behavior to assert his or her authority or try to dominate the other person.

Domestic violence doesn’t have to occur within the home, it only has to happen between people in a committed relationship.

IT includes :
»Physical or Sexual abuse/

When someone is hurting you physically or threatening to.it occurs when physical force is used against you in a way that it inflicts bodily harm or endangers your life.

Any situation in which you are forced to engage in or participate in demeaning, forced or unwanted sexual activities are sexual abuse.

Forced s3x even by a spouse or intimate partner is an act of aggression and domestic violence.

»Emotional abuse /

Often goes unnoticed but can be very hurtful. A spouse or partner who is emotionally abusive towards the other person wants to deny them of their feelings of self-worth and freedom. They resort to yelling name-calling, blaming, and shaming.

Controlling and intimidating behavior are also forms of emotional abuse.

»Economic or financial abuse /

if someone close to you controls your finances, making you account for any penny of your own money you spend, withholds necessities like food, clothing, shelter, preventing you from working or making career choices, sabotaging your job by making you miss work constantly and frequent calls and monitoring to the extent of affecting your output at work, spending your money as if it’s their right to do so, etc.

»Social abuse/

This occurs when your partner constantly talks down on you, humiliates, and insults you publicly or in front of others. Keeps you isolated from family, friends, and even neighbors with tendencies to control what you do or where you go.

»Spiritual abuse/spiritual domestic/

Violence involves your mate preventing you from having your own opinion on religious, cultural beliefs, and values.
Manipulating your thoughts to adhere to his/her own religious orientation or outrightly forcing you to adopt their own religion or beliefs.

Women are presumed to be the only victims of domestic violence, but a very high number of the menfolk also experience violence in the hands of their partners.

Domestic violence is a huge problem in Africa.

 

There is a deep cultural belief in part of Africa that hitting a woman is a sure way to instill discipline and values in her. The perception of domestic violence varies, based on religion, region, and social class.

A certain tribe in Nigeria view wife-beating as a tonic that builds love in a marriage and should be encouraged, as evidenced in the statement :

“If you are not yet beaten by your husband then you don’t know the joy of marriage and that means you are not yet married “.

An old friend of mine once told me of how she appreciates been hit from time to time and if it’s not happening, she creates an avenue to make it happen.

However, government and well-meaning human rights organizations are committed to carrying out sensitization on the people on the need to avoid violence. So for that, domestic violence is totally and seriously discouraged.

Factors that may trigger domestic violence include:

»Archaic Traditional beliefs
»Low self-esteem
»Extreme jealousy
»Difficulties in the control of anger
»Wife earning more than her husband.
»Drunkenness
»Inferiority complex as a result of poor education or joblessness etc
»Undiagnosed personal and psychological disorders like bipolar disorder amongst others.

How to minimize or reduce domestic violence:

»Awareness/

Creating awareness can help victims find professional counseling and prevent more people from been victimized.
Abusers also need to know the level of pain they inflict on others physically and otherwise.

Most abusers may want to justify their violent behavior against their partner.it, therefore, becomes imperative to educate them on the need to imbibe the spirit of tolerance and get them acquitted with the penalties as stipulated by law.

Creating awareness also involves educating members of the community about the different types of domestic violence, participating in organizations activities that campaign against domestic violence, and speaking out loud against acts of violence.

It pays to render meaningful contributions aimed at improving the welfare of the people and helping victims and abusers to feel more comfortable with themselves and in their interaction with each other.

»Counselling /

Is a very vital tool in addressing issues relating to domestic violence, couples and intending couples should exhibit self-control, tolerance, and decorum in their dealings with one another.

They should dialogue in resolving issues, instead of engaging in fisticuffs or any form of manipulations.it is not a bad idea to attend marriage counseling classes in your local church or elsewhere.

»Seeking medical attention/

Individuals with  psychological disorders should seek medical attention.
Proper diagnosis should be carried out to ensure adequate evaluation and treatment.

»Anger management /

Anger is a normal emotion in humans but it’s unhealthy and maybe disastrous when it flares up all the time or spirals out of control. Explosive anger has serious consequences in the relationship with your partner.

Learning to control your anger and expressing your concerns calmly will help you build a better relationship with your partner or spouse and even with your children.

»Inculcating good morals on your children /

Teach your children to respect others, and by extension their future partners by demonstrating a respectful, healthy relationship with your spouse or partner.

It is unhealthy for children to witness constant violent outburst in the home. Parents should ensure that arguments and resentments are not displayed for the kids to witness.

Steps to take if you do get abused :

»Speak out.
»Make adequate arrangements for Your safety.
»Call the police.
»Get a court protection order. (if necessary)
»Get support from organizations and human rights groups in your locality.

Making a decision to leave a situation where you feel worthless, unsafe, and exploited can be scary because of the uncertainty and fear of the unknown. Fears like:
* Can I survive without my partner?
*What do I do with the kids?
*How do I pay the loan on the mortgage?
*I don’t have a job.
*Will I ever find someone else to marry?
*What will family, friends, neighbors, and people say? Etc.

These concerns may be legitimate but it doesn’t justify and it’s not good enough reasons to stay trapped in an abusive environment. Your happiness and wellbeing should be of paramount importance to you, your life first. Have that in mind.

Bottling up emotions and trying to mask the true picture of things by putting up fake smiles will not remedy the situation.
Your life is still important to us and you need to stay alive to be able to conquer.

Remember it’s not your fault, and there is nothing that justifies such treatment by the abuser.
Never indulge in self-pity or accommodate feelings of worthlessness.
Nobody deserves to be treated poorly by their spouse or significant other.
So open up to well-meaning people like family, friends, and counselors.

However, if the abuse becomes a serious threat to your existence.
Run for your life .its your right to keep yourself and loved ones safe.

It’s easy to experience abuse without knowing it:

Here are tips to help you determine whether your relationship is abusive.

it is important to evaluate your inner thoughts and feelings. The more “Yes” answers the more likely it is that you are in an abusive relationship.

So please go through.

»Do you feel uncomfortable or afraid of your partner most of the time?

»Do you sometimes feel like you married the wrong person?

»Do you try to avoid your partner whenever he/she is around?

»Does it feel like you are walking on an eggshell in your interactions with them?

»Do you feel more relaxed and free when they are not around?

»Do you feel like you can’t do anything right for them?

»Do you feel like you are the dumb stupid one in the relationship?

»Do you think or believe you deserved to be ill-treated and hurt and it’s always your fault.?

»Do you feel the need to keep certain information from your partner, even money or assets and important documents?

»Do you sometimes feel so hopeless and dejected and wish they just die or disappear.

»Do you feel like you should end it all by contemplating suicide?

Together let’s chase out domestic violence from our homes.

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